Disadvantaged From The Start

WARNING: BLOG MAY CONTAIN TRIGGERING CONTENT

Hello, my name is Lizzie. This blog is for me to express my self. I post whatever strikes me at the time. I have clinical depression, I self harm, and I am suicidal.
I am bisexual and my girlfriend is gorgeous.
As a side note, I am also gender neutral. Preferred pronouns? Whatever you like honestly. I don't care much for pronouns but if you are really picky and want something, just go with 'tree'

Anonymous asked: What do you do if you have an anxiety attack when you're out or in public?

Well„ if i’m by myself I go sit down and wait it out
If I am with people I try to hide it, usually that makes it worse though… Haha

I hate that I lack abilities…

All I can do is sit there and blah…

I can’t do anything…

I’m not good at anything….

I know so many people who are freakishly good at so many things…

All I can do is do average school work…

I am useless

Sometimes this is all that keeps me going…I hate when religion comes up at school… I mean, everyone is entitled to their opinion but no one ever has anything intelligent to say. The main argument is always “God is not real and anyone who thinks he is is stupid”I respect that not everyone believes in God, and I would never force my beliefs on anyone. But I do not see why I cannot believe in Him without being ridiculed. The worst part for me is that I do not seem to fit in with either side. The people who do not believe in God tell me I am stupid. The people who do believe in God tell me I cannot be Christian as I apparently ‘do not live by the bible’ because I am not straight. It hurts so much when people tell me these things. People don’t know how much He means to me and how much He has taught me. Honestly, if it wern’t for God, I would be a totaly different person. My belief in Him has pulled me out of really terrible episodes. He has promised that I live my life the way he wants me to and I trust and love him, I will be rewarded in Heaven with him when I die. I want to know why people insist on telling me that this is wrong. Why am I not allowed to trust and love God just because you don’t or because you don’t agree with something about me?

Sometimes this is all that keeps me going…

I hate when religion comes up at school… I mean, everyone is entitled to their opinion but no one ever has anything intelligent to say. The main argument is always “God is not real and anyone who thinks he is is stupid”

I respect that not everyone believes in God, and I would never force my beliefs on anyone. But I do not see why I cannot believe in Him without being ridiculed.

The worst part for me is that I do not seem to fit in with either side. The people who do not believe in God tell me I am stupid. The people who do believe in God tell me I cannot be Christian as I apparently ‘do not live by the bible’ because I am not straight.

It hurts so much when people tell me these things. People don’t know how much He means to me and how much He has taught me. Honestly, if it wern’t for God, I would be a totaly different person. My belief in Him has pulled me out of really terrible episodes. He has promised that I live my life the way he wants me to and I trust and love him, I will be rewarded in Heaven with him when I die.

I want to know why people insist on telling me that this is wrong. Why am I not allowed to trust and love God just because you don’t or because you don’t agree with something about me?

(Source: mystandards, via alwaysjustme15)

It’s one of those nights

Where everything is horrible and I feel as if I am going to go crazy because of this suckness

I lost my blade too, it’s on the floor in my room somewhere. But it is small and I don’t have a proper light so I have no idea where it is.

I’m on the verge of anxiety attach and I have a horrible headache.

Augh… Great way to start the week I guess

I love watching those cute anime’s

You know, the ones where the good guys always win and at the end everyone is happy.

But then, when it is over I remember that my life is not like that. The good guys don’t win and no one is happy.

Today I finished another series, and it got me thinking. Perhaps my life isn’t like that because I am not one of the good guys.

Perhaps I am the bad guy.

I don’t know… Maybe I just over think things…

But either way, I could be on to something

I remember my trip two years ago, to San Francisco. I took a cab to this bridge while my sister was on a conference call. I stood there for about two hours, looking down, people watching, and wondering how far down the water was. A girl sat next to me, and asked me, “You’re not going to jump„ are you?” I smiled and reassured her I wasn’t. That I was just a tourist.  She then said, “You look a lot like my sister. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable. But I had to ask, can I hug you? You just look so much like her.” I felt awkward at first, but then I realized. “She jumped?” This girl’s face just crumpled, and she started crying. I hugged her, without a second thought, and for some reason I apologized. Not sure what else I could say. She goes, “Those were the last words she ever spoke to me.” And I will never forget this girl, her name was Ariana. I don’t think I would ever be able to visit this bridge

I remember my trip two years ago, to San Francisco. I took a cab to this bridge while my sister was on a conference call.

I stood there for about two hours, looking down, people watching, and wondering how far down the water was.

A girl sat next to me, and asked me, “You’re not going to jump„ are you?”

I smiled and reassured her I wasn’t. That I was just a tourist. 

She then said, “You look a lot like my sister. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable. But I had to ask, can I hug you? You just look so much like her.”

I felt awkward at first, but then I realized. “She jumped?”

This girl’s face just crumpled, and she started crying. I hugged her, without a second thought, and for some reason I apologized. Not sure what else I could say.

She goes, “Those were the last words she ever spoke to me.”

And I will never forget this girl, her name was Ariana.

I don’t think I would ever be able to visit this bridge

(Source: fuckfuckfuck-, via alwaysjustme15)

Jhduugkbicd

being horny on your period is a terrible experience. >:( I can’t do anything… Le sigh.

closetproblems: White text on a rainbow background: Number 358, knowing people will support you but still being completely terrified Mmhmm… That was hard…

closetproblems:

White text on a rainbow background: Number 358, knowing people will support you but still being completely terrified

Mmhmm… That was hard…

(via secretsby-candlelight)